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About Literature / Hobbyist Anna CefiroCanada Recent Activity
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  • Mood: Gloomy
  • Listening to: Birdsong
  • Reading: My screen
  • Watching: The screen
  • Playing: ROLE!
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Green Tea
I've been very inactive lately here on dA, and it's for personal reasons. I still love this site, and I'm not leaving it, I just haven't been as engaged and active as I used to be.

I don't even know where to start, really.

Things at my current job went from bad to worse in only 48 hours almost two weeks ago. I took a mini vacation with my Mom and her roommate down to a tiny tourist town about an hour and a half outside of the city where we all live. We got to go whale watching, did some shopping, relaxed, spent a night in a motel, and generally had an amazing experience. It was the first actual vacation I have ever had in my entire life.

The only thing that ruined parts of it for me was the crippling anxiety and depression. If you didn't know, anxiety and depression are serious BFF's, and I have recently been diagnosed with Major Depression by a licensed professional. That wasn't a surprise, as I have depression on both sides of my family, and was pretty much destined to suffer from it at one point or another.

The real problem is that I've been suffering from depression since I was 12. In October, I'll be 26.... Yup. 14 years of some serious ups and downs.

Recently, work has been hell. I made a mistake on the order back on July 22nd. I thought I had ordered two items that we needed badly, but apparently I overlooked them and submitted the order. I'd have them written down, but I didn't transfer them onto the online order sheet. It was a simple mistake, and all it would take to fix it was one phone call to our supplier and the items could be delivered for a small fee. I'm a perfectionist by nature, and it makes me feel absolutely awful to make any kind of mistake, no matter what the size.

I found out about my mistake on July 24th, which was a Friday. A full day after the order had already been delivered. On that day I had passed out cold, due to a problem with my neck that I still need a doctor to diagnose and treat. I had called in to say that I would be late, even though I shouldn't have gone into work at all because of my physical state; disoriented, exhausted, nauseous, and unable to focus. The manager decided to berate me in public in front of the other working staff members about my mistake as soon as I got there, not caring about my current state. When I say berate, I mean in a louder voice than normal speaking tone she went on and on about how I made a mistake, how it was terrible, and now what the hell are we going to do? She laid into me for only a short five minutes, but it was enough that I left the store to go to the bathroom to be alone for a few minutes.

From Saturday morning on July 25th until August 14th, I received the silent treatment from the manager. During that period of time, she stripped me of all ordering privileges and cake duties, going so far as to wait until my day off to change the password to the company email so that I could no longer access cake orders or have any knowledge of what was going on with the company.

I was treated like I didn't exist, and if I dared to be in one spot, she would physically avoid coming into any sort of contact with me. She up and decided to start talking to me magically on August 14th, like she was my best fucking friend. Like I really trust you, bitch?

Makes a person just feel PEACHY.

I began looking for other jobs, and started booking actual days off in writing, in the book where everyone writes in their RTO's (Requested Time Off). This is where most of anxiety started up...

Back to my mini vacation now. I got a text on the Monday, August 17th that was rather bitchy in tone about her not remembering that I requested the 18th off, and that if I had any problems with the schedule, I needed to come to her, blah, blah, blah. I told her I wasn't going to be in town on the 18th anyways, so she needed to fill my shift. I already wrote the date down before the schedule was posted, so she was at fault for not booking my day off. Too bad.

On the 18th, I woke up and suffered the worst anxiety I have ever felt. At several points, I couldn't even breathe properly, let alone move physically. It was absolutely humiliating for me, as this was the first time I'd ever had an anxiety attack in front of other people. Normally they just creep up on me at home in privacy. Mom and her roommate were very understanding, as both of them have suffered from anxiety and depression for many, many years.

I managed to enjoy the bulk of my vacation, and I went to work on the 19th as scheduled. I got called out of the store by the manager for a "talking to" about the schedule, being late for work on a few occasions, and for daring to have an opinion. I'm not allowed to have feelings and thoughts, you know.

She threatened me about getting written up for being late and it going on my record. She also said that if the business's success went down, my hours would get cut. She told me that it's best I find another job, and she and the owner don't want me there any longer.

I didn't go to work that Thursday, and Friday I ended up in the hospital due to anxiety. After explaining a small part of what was going on, the doctor that I saw put me out on Medical Stress Leave until after I see my doctor on September 1st. My Mom delivered the note to my workplace, and the manager didn't even have the balls to come out and see what was being submitted. I retained a copy of the note for my personal records.

My blood pressure when I was triage-d was 191/122.

You know it's a bad situation when FOUR medical professionals tell you to quit your fucking job.

I have experienced anxiety and severe depressive episodes on a daily basis, and there are times I literally do not know what to do. My sleeping schedule is totally ruined, and meal times are few and far between. When I do remember to eat, everything that I eat makes me feel nauseous. My blood pressure is high enough that I'm chronically tired, and my Mom is afraid that my doctor may have to put me on a medication to lower it. We'll have to wait and see what my doctor says on Tuesday.

I have been looking for work, and went on two interviews. I have also been using my stress leave to work on my own business. I have had good success thus far, having sold three baby sets, six dragons, and I have a commission for two more dragons. I am currently also working on an afghan as a donation to a charity auction, something that makes me very happy to do.

The long and short of it all?

I'm tired. I'm so very tired.

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Care


“It’s so amazing! The business has been growing, and people are really starting to learn that the stigmas against us are quite ridiculous.” Suralin was practically shouting and dancing, so eager and excited at the latest report I’d received.

“I quite agree. It’s about time that they started to settle down. While I know we’ve only been open for a year, there is still a great deal of anti-Giant and anti-Dragon sentiment going on. The Lab did far too much damage for it to be corrected in such a short period of time. Just this morning I saw a bulletin about an accident that the police are saying was caused by an angry Giant kicking cars over...”

“But that is a lie... No Big Guy would ever do that, even if they were attacking him.” Suralin’s brows furrowed.

“I know, but it just goes to show how quick the media will paint a tractor-trailer jackknifing accident as an aggressive big guy having a bad morning. It’s absolutely ridiculous, but the media machine is still going full force to make sure they have sensational stories to terrify viewers and boost their ratings.”

“Well... at least we are doing a little bit of something to help lower the hate levels.” She spoke softly.

I smiled gently, patting her shoulder to try to convey some hope and reassurance, “It will be alright in the end, Suralin. Trust to hope. Taara has started up an internet blog with positive quotes and experiences from our clients to help spread the better things online where we have a wider audience.”

“Oh good!” Her smile brightened once more, “I meant to ask you, have any new clients phoned in today? Mine graduated from our program last week and I’m a little bit bored now.” She eyeballed the three folders in my arms, knowing fully that we had three more that needed care starting today.

“Yes, I have one for you, one for Orion, and one for Chris.”

I smiled, offering her the file of a little girl who had been in a terrible accident that resulted in breaking both of her legs and shattering her pelvis. She would need extended care and physical therapy to get back on her feet again. Literally.

“Thank you Eric!” She chirped happily as she accepted it, before hurrying off to go read about her client prior to meeting.

“You’re welcome Suralin. If you see Orion, send him my way please.”

I made my way down the long hallway and stopped on the last office on the left, the door open and bright sunlight streaming in from the wide window. A large potted aloe plant was thriving in one corner, and a massive spearmint plant was growing opposite of it, both clearly very well taken care of. On top of the small filing cabinet was a bouquet of flowers and a card, and in front of it was a huge desk. Seated behind the desk was a very large male, bent over slightly and finishing up a hand-written report. I politely cleared my throat, and was met with midnight blue eyes looking up to greet me.

“Hello Dr. Sorrofin.”

“Hello Chris, call me Eric like everybody else does.” I chuckled softly, he never seemed to lose his formality.

“Eric. Right. What can I do for you?” His smile was a little bit sad, and I could see that the death of his most recent client was still haunting him. Poor guy stayed at her side, even in the hospital where she passed. She had literally no living family members, only Chris to care for her as her condition worsened. She had gone peacefully, but it had torn up the heart of her gentle caregiver.

“I have a very special client that I would like you to see. Her father is a very close friend and called me to specifically request a Big Guy that is very tender, very nurturing, and very experienced in extended care giving. I told him I knew exactly who to send, and that I would send him out today to meet with his daughter.” I placed the file on his desk, and Chris wasted no time in perusing it. Dark brown brows quickly tried to meet his hairline as he read it.

“Dr. Smith’s daughter?”

“Yes. Amelia Smith was in a very life-changing accident. All she did was try to cross the street in a crosswalk, and it resulted in this. The two drivers have been convicted of multiple charges, not the least of which was dangerous driving, speeding, failing to yield to a pedestrian and reckless endangerment. She was pinned between the front bumpers of both cars and probably would have had less damage if the first one hadn’t backed up and tried to flee the scene.”

Midnight eyes darkened significantly as he continued to read and listen to me, “I will never understand how a person can be so self-serving that they would do something like this. There is nothing worth going to that can justify nearly cutting a person in half. She is a paraplegic case?”

Yes, she has absolutely no feeling from below her hips, and she suffers from extreme weakness in her upper body as well. From the medical records, she was dangerously close to becoming a quadriplegic. She has since refused to stay within the hospital, and has been refusing to go to a rehabilitation facility. My guess is that depression is very heavy on her right now, limiting her thoughts to what she can no longer do.”

“Is her house wheelchair accessible?”

“Unfortunately, no. And she has refused to sign papers for anyone to build a ramp for her, free of charge. She is very adamant about that.” Chris snorted softly.

“She will change her mind in a month, no longer than that. I guarantee it.”

“So you will take her case?”

“Of course I will. She is going to get back to living a normal life by the time I’m done with her.”
Care
What's this?! A new story! YES IT IS!

It's a little boring and more or less setting up for the next chapters to come. Laying a foundation, I suppose.

All characters belong to me, Shadowknife7.
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  • Mood: Cheerful
  • Listening to: Birdsong
  • Reading: My screen
  • Watching: TV
  • Playing: ROLE!
  • Eating: Trail mix
  • Drinking: London Fog
  1. How long have you been on DeviantArt? Seven years!

  2. What does your username mean?
    Not much, honestly. It was something I picked, probably because I have a collection of knives, due to my cooking profession. Seven is my favorite number too.

  3. Describe yourself in three words. Here, Alive, Breathing.

  4. Are you left or right handed? Right, but if I need to I can do most things with my left as well.

  5. What was your first deviation? Some doodles of animal caricatures!

  6. What is your favourite type of art to create? Literature. I live, breathe, eat, and sleep writing.

  7. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be? Drawing something out of my imagination, traditionally by hand.

  8. What was your first favourite? A Legend of Zelda picture.

  9. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most? Photography, really.

  10. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist? Lady-Blue-Rose

  11. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be? :iconlady-blue-rose: XD I would also love to meet :iconwritingglasses: and :iconredangermeiser1994:. We've had some great conversations and I enjoy talking with them! :D

  12. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life? Well, in many ways. One of which became my best friend and somebody who has been a strong supporter in my life. This is a kind of friendship that I had never experienced before, and probably never will again with another person. There are so many kind and wonderful people here!

  13. What are your preferred tools to create art? London Fog to drink, a burning candle, fresh paper, a full pen, and then a keyboard to get it on screen later.

  14. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art? My mind :3 Outside of my fantasies, nature. Specifically, waterfalls, rivers, the forest and open, rolling fields. Growing up on a farm deep in the country, I had plenty of time to enjoy these areas, and have never forgotten how peaceful and inspiring they are.

  15. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory? Meeting my best friend! Also, the first time she asked me to roleplay with her. Best. Moment. Ever.


#deviantartistquestionnaire 

  • Mood: Cheerful
  • Listening to: Birdsong
  • Reading: My screen
  • Watching: Hell in a Cell dvd
  • Playing: ROLE!
  • Eating: Garlic Bread
  • Drinking: London Fog
After enduring repeated childish immaturity, silent treatments, and the proverbial doghouse on a regular basis, I am finally running out the door at work!

As soon as possible.

Today, my boss disconnected the company email from my phone by changing the password so that I have no more access to doing anything to do with cakes. She decided that I'm a terrible person, and that I don't deserve to do anything, blah, blah, blah.

All because I have physical problems and am seeking help for the ones in my head.

So, a really long story short, I start applying for new jobs TODAY!

Done with her bullshit, and the morons that own the place.

"IT'S A NEW DAWN!
IT'S A NEW DAY!
IT'S A NEW LIFE!
AND I'M FEEELLLLLLIINNNN' GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

I don't own that song, but I feel it's appropriate. :D
  • Mood: Annoyed
  • Listening to: Birdsong and Rain Squalls
  • Reading: My screen
  • Watching: River Monsters
  • Playing: ROLE!
  • Eating: Crispers
  • Drinking: London Fog
No, I'm not dead.

I'm very much alive, but I've just been pretty quiet in the background of everything lately. I've had a lot of things going on in my life, and it seems like the stresses pack on in groups periodically. Currently in the process of trying to dump off some of them, but we'll see how much progress I make in a while.

So my rant of the day is on Cliques, Maturity, Blocking, and Constructive Criticism.

The internet is a wonderful tool where we can instantly communicate with people, meet new friends around the world, and so much more. It has brought people together, helped major social causes, and shared breakthroughs in the arts and sciences. That being said, there are so many people that have no idea how to use it.

Specifically, how to not be a dick on it.

Something that I encounter on a daily basis on the internet are vicious little Cliques. We have them all over dA, and there are MANY divisions within the G/t community. If you do not subscribe specifically to their sort preferences, you are completely ex-communicated. Some of the cliques are so bad that they will not even CONSIDER talking to you just because you don't fall into their category.

I have been refused entry into a couple of G/t groups on dA due to them simply not liking my particular brand. It's not that I write poorly, it's my subject matter they don't want to be associated with. But yet they will accept some things that read like a kindergartener's first school story.... Cliques, gotta love them.


As far as Maturity goes, I have a special guest to use for example. I'm not going to post her user name, but she's from Sweden and she has absolutely no idea how to receive anything except glowing praise. For the sake of my rant, let's call her "Chloe".

Chloe is a fine example of people that should be banned from the internet until they reach a proper maturity level. By "proper", I mean that she isn't behaving like a child waging a keyboard war with anybody that doesn't bathe her in the golden light of PRAISE. Chloe only wants chronic reassurance that she is super special, talented, and the entire world of G/t is waiting on her next chapter with bated breath and heart palpitations.

An amazing friend of mine made a comment on one of her latest works, and as a result was told that she was immature, aggressive, mean, and that her opinion is "rubbish critic".

I KNOW!

She wasn't being mean or even remotely negative about the chapter, but Chloe took it as a declaration of war. Chloe bashed my friend in comment after comment after comment, and then even went so far as to change the description of her chapter to deliberately attack my friend and publicly cry for sympathy that she'd received "too much hate and won't continue the story on dA". At the end of the exchange, she then proceeded to block my friend, and hide all the comments so that nobody could see how much of an immature little bitch she actually is.

I commented ONCE to say in very short form what my friend was trying to say, and told her that she more or less wouldn't listen anyways, because it's not nice according to "Chloe".

She then proceeded to hide my comment and block me as well.

If you don't like what somebody has to say, you don't have to attack them. You don't have to SPEAK to them. You can just LET IT GO. The blocking button should be only allowed if there is proven harassment, in my opinion. The Report button is also helpful as well for if they are particularly nasty. I have been personally attacked on dA in the past, and that person has been blocked completely due to their toxic attacks.

Not because they crapped on something I wrote or didn't write.

No. I chose to block because they were attacking me personally, screaming through the computer screen at me, and attacking somebody very close to me with religious and immoral obscenities. If somebody is doing this to you, or harassing you in another form online, it is also understandable to protect yourself against them.

THAT is what the Block button is for.

NOT because your little cup of tea got knocked over because not everybody thinks the sun rises and sets on your work. Chloe actively hides every shred of evidence that somebody doesn't agree with her in her perfect little world. This is not how MATURE ADULTS behave.

Now, onto Constructive Criticism.

While some people are out there to deliberately troll you, hurt you, upset you, the vast majority aren't interested in that at all. Some people want to help you, others just want to sit back and eat popcorn while they observe.

Constructive criticism is not given or MEANT to be hurtful. It is simply a means of sharing an observation that you have made about that particular thing, and offering another point of view to look at it. What you do with it is your choice.

In the end it all boils down to one thing:

If you can't take the fact that you are not number one, the sun does NOT rise and set on you, the internet and public forums are NOT for you.

Frankly, if you don't like the fact that I rant like a lunatic on any given day, my PAGE is not for you.

deviantID

Shadowknife7
Anna Cefiro
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Canada
A strange lass that wants nothing more than to be content and write.

Current Residence: Canada
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Medium
Print preference: Interesting ones
Favourite genre of music: Just about anything
Favourite photographer: *ZoranPhoto
Favourite style of art: Traditional pencil and paper
Operating System: Compaq
MP3 player of choice: One that works
Shell of choice: Seashells are pretty
Wallpaper of choice: Draconic
Skin of choice: My own
Favourite cartoon character: Remy Lebeau (Gambit)
Personal Quote: Muses do not let me sleep...
Interests
  • Mood: Gloomy
  • Listening to: Birdsong
  • Reading: My screen
  • Watching: The screen
  • Playing: ROLE!
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Green Tea
I've been very inactive lately here on dA, and it's for personal reasons. I still love this site, and I'm not leaving it, I just haven't been as engaged and active as I used to be.

I don't even know where to start, really.

Things at my current job went from bad to worse in only 48 hours almost two weeks ago. I took a mini vacation with my Mom and her roommate down to a tiny tourist town about an hour and a half outside of the city where we all live. We got to go whale watching, did some shopping, relaxed, spent a night in a motel, and generally had an amazing experience. It was the first actual vacation I have ever had in my entire life.

The only thing that ruined parts of it for me was the crippling anxiety and depression. If you didn't know, anxiety and depression are serious BFF's, and I have recently been diagnosed with Major Depression by a licensed professional. That wasn't a surprise, as I have depression on both sides of my family, and was pretty much destined to suffer from it at one point or another.

The real problem is that I've been suffering from depression since I was 12. In October, I'll be 26.... Yup. 14 years of some serious ups and downs.

Recently, work has been hell. I made a mistake on the order back on July 22nd. I thought I had ordered two items that we needed badly, but apparently I overlooked them and submitted the order. I'd have them written down, but I didn't transfer them onto the online order sheet. It was a simple mistake, and all it would take to fix it was one phone call to our supplier and the items could be delivered for a small fee. I'm a perfectionist by nature, and it makes me feel absolutely awful to make any kind of mistake, no matter what the size.

I found out about my mistake on July 24th, which was a Friday. A full day after the order had already been delivered. On that day I had passed out cold, due to a problem with my neck that I still need a doctor to diagnose and treat. I had called in to say that I would be late, even though I shouldn't have gone into work at all because of my physical state; disoriented, exhausted, nauseous, and unable to focus. The manager decided to berate me in public in front of the other working staff members about my mistake as soon as I got there, not caring about my current state. When I say berate, I mean in a louder voice than normal speaking tone she went on and on about how I made a mistake, how it was terrible, and now what the hell are we going to do? She laid into me for only a short five minutes, but it was enough that I left the store to go to the bathroom to be alone for a few minutes.

From Saturday morning on July 25th until August 14th, I received the silent treatment from the manager. During that period of time, she stripped me of all ordering privileges and cake duties, going so far as to wait until my day off to change the password to the company email so that I could no longer access cake orders or have any knowledge of what was going on with the company.

I was treated like I didn't exist, and if I dared to be in one spot, she would physically avoid coming into any sort of contact with me. She up and decided to start talking to me magically on August 14th, like she was my best fucking friend. Like I really trust you, bitch?

Makes a person just feel PEACHY.

I began looking for other jobs, and started booking actual days off in writing, in the book where everyone writes in their RTO's (Requested Time Off). This is where most of anxiety started up...

Back to my mini vacation now. I got a text on the Monday, August 17th that was rather bitchy in tone about her not remembering that I requested the 18th off, and that if I had any problems with the schedule, I needed to come to her, blah, blah, blah. I told her I wasn't going to be in town on the 18th anyways, so she needed to fill my shift. I already wrote the date down before the schedule was posted, so she was at fault for not booking my day off. Too bad.

On the 18th, I woke up and suffered the worst anxiety I have ever felt. At several points, I couldn't even breathe properly, let alone move physically. It was absolutely humiliating for me, as this was the first time I'd ever had an anxiety attack in front of other people. Normally they just creep up on me at home in privacy. Mom and her roommate were very understanding, as both of them have suffered from anxiety and depression for many, many years.

I managed to enjoy the bulk of my vacation, and I went to work on the 19th as scheduled. I got called out of the store by the manager for a "talking to" about the schedule, being late for work on a few occasions, and for daring to have an opinion. I'm not allowed to have feelings and thoughts, you know.

She threatened me about getting written up for being late and it going on my record. She also said that if the business's success went down, my hours would get cut. She told me that it's best I find another job, and she and the owner don't want me there any longer.

I didn't go to work that Thursday, and Friday I ended up in the hospital due to anxiety. After explaining a small part of what was going on, the doctor that I saw put me out on Medical Stress Leave until after I see my doctor on September 1st. My Mom delivered the note to my workplace, and the manager didn't even have the balls to come out and see what was being submitted. I retained a copy of the note for my personal records.

My blood pressure when I was triage-d was 191/122.

You know it's a bad situation when FOUR medical professionals tell you to quit your fucking job.

I have experienced anxiety and severe depressive episodes on a daily basis, and there are times I literally do not know what to do. My sleeping schedule is totally ruined, and meal times are few and far between. When I do remember to eat, everything that I eat makes me feel nauseous. My blood pressure is high enough that I'm chronically tired, and my Mom is afraid that my doctor may have to put me on a medication to lower it. We'll have to wait and see what my doctor says on Tuesday.

I have been looking for work, and went on two interviews. I have also been using my stress leave to work on my own business. I have had good success thus far, having sold three baby sets, six dragons, and I have a commission for two more dragons. I am currently also working on an afghan as a donation to a charity auction, something that makes me very happy to do.

The long and short of it all?

I'm tired. I'm so very tired.

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Comments


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:icondarkendrama:
Darkendrama Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2015
2nd entry for liv's contest I really enjoyed your writing style and put The Match in my favorite folder.  I don't understand why you listed it under "mature content" since it did not seem to contain any strong sexual situations or language.
Reply
:iconshadowknife7:
Shadowknife7 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! I am glad that you enjoy it.

Oh, I typically tag my works under Mature Content due to some of the ideas not being "cannon"? I think that is the word that I'm looking for. Like ideologically sensitive stuff such as mpreg and vore. While it's pretty mainstream now, it's something I've always done. :)
Reply
:iconsugumih:
Sugumih Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2015
Thanks for the faves!! ^__^
Reply
:iconsugumih:
Sugumih Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2015
thanks for the watch! :3
Reply
:iconchibipyro:
ChibiPyro Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2015  Student Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fave! I am glad you like my art!:heart::huggle:
Reply
:iconshadowknife7:
Shadowknife7 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You are most welcome!
Reply
:iconprodigywithapen:
prodigywithapen Featured By Owner May 19, 2015
Thank you for watching me. I hope you'll like what's in store!
Reply
:iconshadowknife7:
Shadowknife7 Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You are most welcome! I am so excited!
Reply
:iconprodigywithapen:
prodigywithapen Featured By Owner May 19, 2015
Yay! Excitement abounds!
Reply
:iconshadowknife7:
Shadowknife7 Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
It does! :squee:
Reply
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